- 1 Men Counselling (Havant)
- 1.1 Counselling for Men.
- 1.2 Why do Men Choose Counselling?
- 1.2.1 About Anger or Rage
- 1.2.2 About Depression
- 1.2.3 About Using our Heads
- 1.2.4 About Sex and Masturbation (Wanking)
- 1.2.5 About Gender and Gender Identity
- 1.2.6 About Work Stress
- 1.2.7 About Sexual Abuse
- 1.2.8 About Physical Violence or Bullying
- 1.2.9 About Relationship Difficulties
- 1.2.10 About Business Behavioural Skills
- 1.2.11 About our Sexuality
- 1.2.12 About Not Knowing what the Fuck is going on.
- 1.3 Does Counselling Work?
- 1.4 Counsellor for a Man.
- 1.5 My Counselling Guarantee.
- 1.6 About Havant Counsellor.
- 1.7 Costs for Bloke Counselling.
- 1.8 Bloke Counselling
- 1.9 Counselling Appointments.
- 1.10 Got a Question? Don't Hold Back…
Men Counselling (Havant)When a Bloke needs to lean on a Professional Bloke to discuss Bloke-Stuff in private and in confidence.
Counselling for Men.
It’s true that a majority of counsellors are women, and as a man sometimes we feel more comfortable discussing private matters with our feminine counterpart.
But sometimes a bloke feels much more comfortable discussing some of the more serious stuff with another bloke.
Dean Richardson… he’s a bloke!
Counselling isn’t all about tears, emotions, grabbing another tissue, confessing to the counsellor why we’re feeling like a failure etc. Some of us counsellors know that people are made up of more than just emotions: we’re thoughts, behaviours, somatism and (sometimes) our bodies and minds doing shit-illy odd things that distress us but we can’t figure out what’s going on… in addition to emotional stuff.
When thinking about meeting with a male counsellor for the first time, it can sometimes take a bloke a hell of a lot of courage to make contact and then walk into the counsellor’s rooms, ready to talk through life’s tough crap.
But we find the courage… and find that counselling helps.
FORTUNATELY… men thinking about counselling may be happy to learn that Dean Richardson works in a form of partnership with men, rather than sitting in silence, occasionally saying “Hmmm”. Such partnership helps both blokes in the room to find comprehension and (re)solutions that actually address problems, as well as a forging a bond that can become quite valuable.
Whilst there still may be truth in the phrase: “Men Think, Women Feel”, counselling for men can be about finding stuff that works specifically for a bloke… when it hasn’t been working all that well lately.
Counselling Services Summary.
Suitable for a bloke who wants to talk in confidence about the shit he can’t go into with his mates down the pub. And who wants to meet with another bloke in an all-male setting.
Brief or Longer
Some blokes work fast, and some want more time. Dean’s service is not limited by time nor a set number of sessions. We can be creative together and decide as we go along, or set a number of sessions up front.
As a minimum, counselling will be 50 minutes each week. But you may come more often and there are 90 minute sessions. It’s about catering for a wide rage of blokes’ needs.
When you contact your GP, or telephone your local charity counselling service, you will often find you have to wait for weeks… or months. Meeting with Dean can be as soon as next week.
Why do Men Choose Counselling?
Let’s face it – you’re an intelligent bloke. You’re interested in learning what’s going on for you. Why would you be reading this page if not? So why do men come into counselling?
About Anger or Rage
Not anger management as such; instead we’ll look at your anger as being a form of communication… a form of acting out something that is not yet understood or expressed in words. We’ll try to learn what fuels your anger in order to loosen its grip on you and to give you some choices how you respond.
We’re blokes. We get up, we work, we (sometimes) achieve goals, we go home. When something knocks us off our feet we might call it MAN FLU! So when depression kicks in, many of us don’t know what it is, nor how to deal with it.
Taking anti-depressants can mask the symptoms of depression, but they don’t address the cause.
About Using our Heads
As blokes, we can tend to ‘act’ and ‘think’ rather than “feel”. Differences between emotions and thoughts: if I ask you “how do you feel” and your answer is to describe your behaviour, perhaps feelings are a foreign language.
About Sex and Masturbation (Wanking)
Let’s face it: wanking is one of the best things us blokes have been given! Yet, when masturbation begins to interfere with our relationships, or other parts of our lives, losing the pleasure of having a wank once, twice or more times a day becomes to be problem. When a man’s life changes (he forms a significant relationship, he suffers ill health, he gets older) his own relationship with sex and masturbation may become a struggle to change too.
About Gender and Gender Identity
Sometimes, some of our thoughts, our feelings and our behaviour might make us believe we’re becoming something “men aren’t supposed to do”. Quite different from male-to-female (MTF) and female-to-male (FTM) gender reassignment, or being “gay”, as blokes we can learn the language our heads speak in.
About Work Stress
As men we were designed to kill boars to feed our family. Working on computer, in offices, in meetings can sometimes feel so wrong for us. We grow with work stress and can’t manage. In counselling we’ll look at the root causes of work stress (sometimes not so obvious) to help you manage more effectively.
About Sexual Abuse
As boys, if we were sexually abused it’s possible that we had no-one to turn to; no-one who would believe us. So we kept it to ourselves. Today our abusers are being outed and prosecuted. But to some of us this hasn’t yet brought the closure we need.
About Physical Violence or Bullying
If you’re experiencing physical violence (whether harm to you or you’re harming others) we’ll work out ways to help manage the abuse, and to have it stop. If this is due to your anger, for example, we’ll look at the causes behind the physical abuse.
If violence is related to bullying (whether you or someone else is the bully), we can talk about what’s behind the behaviour and how to bypass & interrupt the process.
About Relationship Difficulties
Assistance in helping you understand what might be going wrong in your marriage/partnership… and how to change things.
We can talk about why your mates always seem to end up telling you to ‘fuck off’, or why each of your new relationships keep ending suddenly, or why it’s harder for you to just get along with those other people who seem to have so much baggage nowadays.
About Business Behavioural Skills
Corporate workplaces can lead our stress levels to climb. It appears to us that only those working 24/7/365 get promoted and we can’t give that amount of effort. We can talk about how to manage your needs so that you might work in a way that fits much better with how you’re built.
About our Sexuality
The number of ‘modern’ men today seem to have no problem about their fluid-sexuality, It seems that every week someone famous tells us about their non-standard sexuality. Is it really non-standard? We can talk together about any sexuality confusion you may be having to help you understand, come to terms, and find peace with it.
About Not Knowing what the Fuck is going on.
As men, we’re kinda supposed to be in charge (sorry, but we can feel that we are). So when our heads and bodies start to give off symptoms and we don’t know what the fuck is going on… we’ll bury it! Talking with Dean in counselling can help you get an idea of what your head and heart are saying, so that you can go supply what your body needs.
Does Counselling Work?
If a main aim of counselling is to reduce distress levels (by bringing understanding to counter fear and raise personal affect) in order to promote self-autonomy and to discover ones own solutions, then every client using counselling with Dean* experienced an improvement in their distress levels.
|Before Counselling Begins…||→||After Counselling Ends…|
*The table uses anonymous data from individuals counselling with Dean Richardson MNCS(Acc) MBACP(Accred) during 2009-2010.
Data was taken and measured using CORE Outcome Measure (CORE-OM 34).
CORE-OM 34 covers four dimensions: subjective well-being, problems / symptoms, life functioning and risk/harm.
The data shows that every client experienced improvements in distress levels.
Counsellor for a Man.
Where a bloke can be himself in Therapy.
As men: when we have a tonne of crap on our shoulders, sometimes it appears as if society expects us just to shut up and carry on.
We need a break.
Counselling for Blokes can be a place where a man can be just himself, work through some important stuff, and then go home.
You wouldn’t break a leg and expect to “walk it off”, so why treat a mental break like that?
In counselling, a man doesn’t have to be concerned about any other person’s needs other than his own. He doesn’t have to remember to bring home the shopping, get the baby’s nappies, bring home a gift for his partner (for an anniversary that he forgot again), doesn’t have to be politically correct and doesn’t have to watch his language.
Sometimes, a man needs a place where he can give up the stereotypical macho appearance he thinks is expected of him.
Counselling Tools and Processes for Men.
Let’s face it – we’re just plain old blokes.
In the way distant past, our jobs were to go out and kill Woolly Mammoths in order to feed our family. We were not required to understand things from the Mammoth’s point of view.
In the present day, though, modern life can leave some of us men a bit puzzled. Situations such as:-
- why our partner has become annoyed with us,
- why the kids are making us have a headache again,
- why, one morning, we suddenly forgot the direction to drive to work,
- why our boss has just unloaded a shit load of pain on us, why we can’t sleep at night,
- why we’re get addicted to stuff that’s not very healthy for our bodies,
- why sometimes we get irrational pains in our chests, can’t breath, and we think we’re dying (sometimes called a ‘panic attack’),
- why we just dumped a tonne of rage onto a customer.
Dean’s “Bloke” Approach to Counselling.
How does the following information strike you?
- 63% of Dean Richardson’s clients (2012-2013) were male (during summer 2015, 100% of clients were male).
- Everyone who goes to counselling is in need of some assistance; a professional service (think: doctor, dentist, solicitor, estate agent…). Counselling is not about going because of being a failure
- Counselling can be brief – just a couple of sessions can be just enough to get back on your feet again.
- Knowledge: in counselling, we’ll shed some understanding on some of the odd behaviour that might be going on around you. Helping us to make sense of things.
- Cognitive / Somatic / Behavioural / Feelings: we’ll look at matters going on for you from a 360° perspective (not just “feelings”).
- We’ll aim to get you back on your feet soon… then we’ll prepare to say “bye!” (ending counselling well can be as important as beginning it).
Dean rarely sits in total silence for the whole session (or just “hmm”‘s). He doesn’t ask you to fill in forms, give you tests, ask you to paint your feelings, to waft scarves in the air, look at ink blots or makes you talk about stuff that you really don’t want to.
It’s pretty much two men, sat in chairs, having a really good conversation… a conversation with a specific & helpful purpose.
My Counselling Guarantee.
As a counsellor, I have worked with many different men in counselling.
You might not be surprised that several men were sceptical!
“my wife told me to go”,
“some really odd things have been happening to me”,
“I don’t understand why life is so shit”,
“how can you help?”.
My counselling approach isn’t done to you. It’s a partnership (a sort of temporary kind of friendship or alliance) between you and I that makes it work.
My Counselling Guarantee Includes:-
- I won’t sit for 50 minutes in silence (or just saying ‘hmmm’).
- I will answer your questions.
- I won’t fuck around with your head, and whilst sometimes I might ask something, or say something, that leaves you thinking: ‘shit, that was a bit harsh, mate!’ I will always be up for feedback and to talk about what made it seem harsh to you.
- I won’t make you talk about stuff you’re not ready to… at least nor ready yet.
- I won’t make you feel as though you’re mental, insane, or anything less than the man you are.
About Havant Counsellor.
You could choose any Havant counsellor.
Yet, when you think that this may be the most personal, private and vulnerable you're going to be with a professional, you'd choose:
- someone you can trust,
- someone who demonstrated highly competent skills and ethics,
- who spoke plain English (not lots of psychobable),
- who's as happy to swear as much as you do,
- who makes you an equal part of the therapeutic partnership (e.g. doesn't just sit in silence, saying "Hmm" for 50 minutes)…
A simply private choice, really.
Costs for Bloke Counselling.
Bloke CounsellingCounselling for a Bloke
- Suitable for individuals
- Suitable for couples
- Suitable for groups
- Payable weekly
- Available in Havant
- Available online video
- 50 minute session
- 90 minute session (£75)
How my counselling fees work.
Unlike NHS services (where you have already paid through NI taxation), private counselling will cost you some money.
Counselling sessions last for a standard 50 minutes (optional 90 minute sessions are available) and recur weekly (sometimes multiple times a week if we both think this is appropriate).
We’ll work until either of us thinks that we’re done… then we’ll have a conversation about ending.
Counselling fees are payable on the day of our session.
You may pay your counselling fees online (eg by a bank transfer, credit/debit card payment or PayPal) or pay in person (cash, cheque [made out to Dean Richardson], credit/debit card).
In some circumstances, a lower fee may be negotiable if your income makes private counselling a struggle to afford, and if I have places available. I may not always have any low-fees spaces available, but please ask…
|Couples & Individuals (Havant, Hampshire)|
|Monday Appointments:||Waiting list (contact me to discuss)|
|Tuesday Appointments:||Not available|
|Friday Appointments:||Not available|
|Groups (Waterlooville, Hampshire)|
Click to go to WaterloovilleCounselling.co.uk…
|Couples & Individuals (Havant, Hampshire)|
|Mon:||Waiting List (contact me to discuss)|
|Thu:||5pm or 8pm|
|Groups (Waterlooville, Hampshire)|
|Tue:||1pm, 2pm, 6pm or 7pm|
Counselling sessions are (at a minimum) weekly and on the same day and time each week.
Optionally, you may wish to come more than once a week and you can even come for longer than 50 minutes (by prior arrangement).
Our counselling work together continues for as long (or as brief) as we both think it's helpful… and then we'll look at ending.
Fees are due on the day of the session (cash, cheque [made out to Dean Richardson], credit & debit cards).
Ending counselling: rather than one day saying "I'm ending counselling today" it is helpful to bring up the idea of ending counselling first. Sometimes the need to end may be a mask for something else (avoiding difficult feelings, can't say something, acting out loss etc) and it can be helpful to distinguish, together, what ending may mean in our work. We'll talk about endings with some thought and some planning.
Got a Question? Don't Hold Back…
Got a question about Dean Richardson's counselling services in Havant (Hampshire)? Want to make contact, maybe asking about a first appointment? Send Dean a message any time…