Contents
- 1 Men find Counselling Useful 👍🏻
- 2 What is Men’s Counselling?
- 3 Counselling Benefits.
- 4 Stuff Men Discuss in Therapy.
- 4.1 About Debilitating Anxiety.
- 4.2 About Anger or Rage.
- 4.3 About Depression in Men.
- 4.4 About Life Events and Stages.
- 4.5 About Sex and Masturbation (Wanking).
- 4.6 About Gender and Gender Identity.
- 4.7 About Emotional Overload.
- 4.8 About Work Stress.
- 4.9 About Not Knowing what the Fuck is going on!
- 4.10 About Sexual Abuse of Men.
- 4.11 About Grief & Loss.
- 4.12 About Physical Violence or Bullying.
- 4.13 About Relationship Difficulties.
- 4.14 About Business Behavioural Skills.
- 4.15 About our Sexuality.
- 4.16 About Growing Older and Death.
- 4.17 About Cross-dressing / transvestism.
- 4.18 About Using our Heads.
- 4.19 About Unwanted Sexual Behaviour & Sexual Offences.
- 5 Does Counselling Help?
- 6 A male counsellor – your best decision?
- 7 Video Counselling from your Home…
- 8 About Havant Online CounsellOR
- 9 Individual Counselling Fees.
- 10 Individual Counselling
- 11 Got a Question? Don't Hold Back…
Counselling for Blokes 👍
The Local Shoulder Men Lean On.
Men find Counselling Useful 👍🏻
What if a bloke could meet another bloke to discuss straightforward, helpful assistance?
🗨️ “Well, REAL men suck it up, man-up, and deal with crap. We don’t talk about our ‘feelings’!”
But the truth is what many men haven’t yet discovered: counselling isn’t “done at you”; instead, you form an alliance with your counsellor that begins to help with the matters you’re bringing up in a short amount of time.
You see, we’re just blokes! We’re human, with fuzzy brains and independent minds, and bits that fall apart (or off) as we get older. We fall down both physically and mentally, and getting up can be tough. Feelings like anxiety, depression, panic; we (sometimes) experience unfathomable behaviour, and suffer from puzzling experiences like forgetting how to get to work (yup, that’s happened).
This is f****ing powerful stuff, and it can trip us up again and again because we default to using “masculine” thinking (aka, if I identify what’s causing this, I will then be able to fix it).
⚠️NEWSFLASH: All of this emotional crap is REAL, and it has nothing to do with the (utterly misleading) myths from the 1920s onwards about how men are “supposed” to be “manly”.
🤔 So, are men really able to recognise how helpful counselling can be for them?
👍 I’ll answer: Hell yes!
Some good news…
As men, we don’t have to explain away these horrid emotional and mental problems in order to get to work with a counsellor like Dean Richardson MNCPS (Accred/Reg). He already understands the not-easily-explained-away events you’ve been experiencing.
When you’re looking for someone supportive – local or online – that they can trust with unfamiliar, uncomfortable, and unexplained experiences, Dean would be the bloke to consider.
We’re just normal guys, and sometimes we just want to talk stuff over with another bloke in private, with no tricks, no tests, no wafting scarves in the air or painting our feelings. Unfortunately, when we have something we can’t tell our friends down the pub or share with anyone in our family, we can struggle to think of someone. As a man looking for another man for his counsellor, we might feel much more comfortable discussing some of our more private, secret, and serious matters with another bloke!
This is when we find Counselling for Men useful. Someone who is offering support AND useful stuff for men who are suffering various ailments. And the good news about Counsellor Dean…
…he’s also: just a bloke.
What is Men’s Counselling?
Here’s the low-down: counselling as a concept isn’t all about tears, emotions, grabbing a tissue, or confessing to the counsellor why we’re feeling like a failure. A lot of men think that this is counselling.
Some of us counsellors understand that humans are made up of much more than just emotions: we are thoughts, behaviours, somatic responses and (occasionally) our bodies and minds doing shit-illy odd things that bother us (especially when can’t figure out what’s going on on our own). All this, in addition to that emotional stuff I mentioned! Knowing this can make the difference between men’s counselling and general counselling.
Men’s Counselling can assist us in sifting through the tough crap in order to help us begin to see the light of day and get back to a version of normal that works for us.
Also, when thinking about meeting with a male counsellor, it can take a bloke a hell of a lot of courage to walk into the room (or switch on his computer camera for online counselling) ready to talk with a stranger for the first time.
But, as men, we find that courage… and we find that counselling can turn out to be a helpful resource.
Partnership Solely with You.
Fortunately… men seeking counselling are relieved to learn that Dean Richardson works in a form of partnership with men (rather than sitting in silence, occasionally saying “Hmmm”, asking about feelings or suggesting we waft scarfs…). In a way, he offers therapeutic approaches for men with various sufferings (albeit that the “therapy” is discovered via a process that involves conversations with you, rather than prescribing “you should do this to feel better”).
These partnerships… or therapeutic alliances … help both blokes in the room to find understanding and (re)solutions that actually begin to address problems. As well as forging a bond that can become enormously valuable, sometimes never experienced before.
Whilst there still may be truth in the phrase: “Men Think, Women Feel”, counselling for men is about finding help that works specifically you… particularly when shit hasn’t been working all that well lately.
Counselling Benefits.
Blokes
Suitable for a bloke who wants to talk in confidence about the shit he can’t go into with his mates down the pub. And who wants to meet with another bloke in an all-male setting.
Brief or Longer
Some blokes work fast, and some want more time. Dean’s service is not limited by time nor a set number of sessions. We can be creative together and decide as we go along, or set a number of sessions up front.
Weekly
As a minimum, counselling will be 50 minutes each week. But you may come more often and there are 90 minute sessions. It’s about catering for a wide rage of blokes’ needs.
Begin Soon
When you contact your GP, or telephone your local charity counselling service, you will often find you have to wait for weeks… or months. Meeting with Dean can be as soon as next week.
Private counselling near me serving the UK Nationwide over Zoom & Skype, plus locations in and around central Havant, Petersfield to Waterlooville, Cosham to Portsmouth & Southsea, Southampton to Chichester, Fareham to Gosport, Hayling Island, Emsworth, Westbourne, Rowland's Castle, local residents anywhere in between and regularly further afield!
Stuff Men Discuss in Therapy.
How can you actually use counselling?
Let’s face it – you’re an intelligent bloke. You’re interested in learning what’s going on with you and why you might seek a counsellor. So what kinds of topics do men regularly seek to work upon in counselling?
About Debilitating Anxiety.
With Counselling for Anxiety in Men we’ll work with the debilitating aspects of your mind’s response to stress and the unknown. The kind of anxiety we’re talking about here isn’t “feeling a bit anxious”; we’re talking about the exhausting, draining horror (eg terrorising chest pain) when unmanaged feelings of fear or apprehension about what’s to come leaves a man weakened and incapable of action. In doing so, we release you from being disabled back into being effective again.
About Anger or Rage.
With Counselling for Men’s Anger we’ll look at your anger or rage as a form of communication. When a man’s position on something becomes untenable, men can find angry behaviour (e.g. threatening physical violence) can appear to get them heard… very quickly! The problem, though, comes when anger & rage acts out by itself, out of control. The man is unable to communicate what he actually needs (e.g. “why I am angry”, “what situation I want to change”, “what I need from you”); he fails to get across what he needs. This is not anger management, this is anger comprehension. Gaining understanding invites the man to make informed decisions on how he manages his emotion. In counselling we’ll learn what fuels anger to loosen its grip and to give some choices on how differently you might want to respond.
About Depression in Men.
We’re blokes. We get up, we work, we (sometimes) achieve goals, we go home. When something knocks us off our feet we might call it man flu! So when depression kicks in (and I don’t just mean “feeling sad”) many of us men don’t know what it is, nor how to deal with it.
Taking anti-depressants can mask the symptoms of depression, but they don’t address the cause. Counselling for Depression in Men can help work through the root-cause(s) and to relieve the depression.
About Life Events and Stages.
Sometimes life events catch us off guard. We’re running along happily and then we have news: “I’m pregnant!”. We didn’t know that we’d panic, or that we’d think: “I won’t be able to handle this”. Life stages can take us unprepared: buying a house, getting married, having children, changing jobs, becoming redundant, a celebration going too far (drunkenness), children leaving home, retirement. A sudden jolt plus having no-one talk with can be awful… until you think about some short-term counselling.
About Sex and Masturbation (Wanking).
Let’s face it: wanking is one of the best things us blokes have been given! Yet, when masturbation begins to interfere with our relationships, or other parts of our lives, losing the pleasure of having a wank once, twice or more times a day becomes to be problem. When a man’s life changes (he forms a significant relationship, he suffers ill health, he gets older) his own relationship with sex and masturbation may become a struggle to change too.
About Gender and Gender Identity.
Sometimes, some of our thoughts, our feelings and our behaviour might make us believe we’re becoming something “men aren’t supposed to do”. Quite different from male-to-female (MTF) and female-to-male (FTM) gender reassignment, or being “gay”, as blokes we can learn the language our heads speak in.
About Emotional Overload.
Blokes were taught not to show emotions. So where do we put them? Suppressing emotions works for many of us… for a time… until there are too many things to suppress, and then we’re in trouble. Think: emotional rubbish bin that’s not being emptied.
About Work Stress.
As men we were designed to kill boars to feed our family. Working on computer, in offices, in meetings can sometimes feel so wrong for us. We grow with work stress and can’t manage. In counselling we’ll look at the root causes of work stress (sometimes not so obvious) to help you manage more effectively.
About Not Knowing what the Fuck is going on!
As men, we’re kinda supposed to be in charge (sorry, but we can feel that we are). So when our heads and bodies start to give off symptoms and we don’t know what the fuck is going on… we’ll bury it! Talking with Dean in counselling can help you get an idea of what your head and heart are saying, so that you can go supply what your body needs.
About Sexual Abuse of Men.
As boys, if we were sexually abused (whether mildly or severely) it’s possible that we had no-one to turn to; no-one who would believe us. So we kept our abuse to ourselves. We might even have thought it was our fault. Today our abusers are being outed and prosecuted. Counselling for Sexual Abuse in Men can help bring the closure we need.
About Grief & Loss.
Loss isn’t always about death; it can be about loss of an experience (childhood), position (chairmanship of local club), schedule (job) and lots more. When we don’t grieve loss (e.g. ignoring it), loss can way heavy in the background making life increasingly difficult. We’re unable to resolve the weight because we stopped paying attention to cause.
About Physical Violence or Bullying.
If you’re experiencing physical violence (whether harm done to you or you’re harming others) we’ll work out ways to help manage the abuse, and to have it stop. If this is due to your anger, for example, we’ll look at the causes behind the anger.
If violence is related to bullying (whether you or someone else is the bully), we can talk about what’s behind the behaviour to bring understanding. With understanding you can interrupt and bypass your violent behaviour.
About Relationship Difficulties.
Assistance in helping you understand what might be going wrong in your marriage/partnership… and how to change things.
We can talk about why your mates always seem to end up telling you to ‘fuck off’, or why each of your new relationships keep ending suddenly, or why it’s harder for you to just get along with those other people who seem to have so much baggage nowadays.
About Business Behavioural Skills.
Corporate workplaces can lead our stress levels to climb. It appears to us that only those working 24/7/365 get promoted and we can’t give that amount of effort. We can talk about how to manage your needs so that you might work in a way that fits much better with how you’re built.
About our Sexuality.
The number of ‘modern’ men today seem to have no problem about their fluid-sexuality, It seems that every week someone famous tells us about their non-standard sexuality. Is it really non-standard? We can talk together about any sexuality confusion you may be having to help you understand, come to terms, and find peace with it.
About Growing Older and Death.
Time passes, we grow, we get stronger, life is good. Then we notice changes, perhaps we’re balding, we’re less strong, less fast, we notice that more of our peers are dying. The phrase “over the hill” begins to mean something to us, and we grow frightened. This wasn’t supposed to happen to us. Talking through our concerns with a counsellor can help put things into perspective, and frees us to enjoy the fewer stages of life that we have left.
About Cross-dressing / transvestism.
I know that cross-dressing (transvestism, drag etc) isn’t necessarily a reflection on one’s sexuality. Dressing in another identity’s clothes is a relief for many who identify otherwise as cis-male and/or heterosexual. But ones family, friends, and social position can make cross-dressing something we keep secret, and such secrets can wear us down…
About Using our Heads.
As blokes, we can tend to ‘act’ and ‘think’ rather than “feel”. Differences between emotions and thoughts: if I ask you “how do you feel” and your answer is to describe your behaviour, perhaps feelings are a foreign language.
About Unwanted Sexual Behaviour & Sexual Offences.
Are you concerned about your sexual behaviour escalating towards committing an offence?
Have you discovered sexual imagery on the Internet that has excited you, but now you can’t stop looking; effecting your life?
Have you engaged in sexual experiences that you have to keep secret, and now the stress is getting on top of you?
Maybe you have already committed an act that the law might call “gross indecency” or a “sexual offence” and you wish desperately to talk about moving your behaviour towards a better place?
The first thing I’d want you to know is that provided no-one else is being harmed I will be able to offer you complete confidentiality and privacy. This is so that we may talk about what’s on your mind and to help you plan a way forward out of distressing sexualised behaviour. You DO have a choice about your sexual behaviour… and I can help you strengthen such choice. I offer an unjudged therapeutic relationship that will allow us (maybe a bit at a time – depending on how well you manage the sessions) to talk about what happened, what is happening, where thing are going, and how to plan behaviour that will suit you better in the future.
Does Counselling Help?
If a primary aim of counselling is to reduce distress levels (by bringing understanding to counter fear and raise personal affect) in order to promote self-autonomy and empower you in discovering your own solutions, then every client using counselling with Dean* has experienced an improvement in their distress levels during their counselling time.
Clinical Outcomes in Routine Evaluation (“CORE-OM”)
CORE-OM is a measure of psychological distress, administered by the therapist and completed by the client.
The following table demonstrates how clients, working with Dean, have experienced reduced distress levels during the period of counselling work.
| Before Counselling Begins… | → | After Counselling Ends… |
|---|---|---|
| [Severe] | → | [Low Level] |
| [Moderately Severe] | → | [Mild] |
| [Moderate] | → | [Healthy] |
| [Mild] | → | [Healthy] |
*The table uses anonymous data from individuals counselling with Dean Richardson MNCPS (Accred/Reg) during 2009-2010.
Data was taken and measured using CORE Outcome Measure (CORE-OM 34).
CORE-OM 34 covers four dimensions: subjective well-being, problems / symptoms, life functioning and risk/harm.
The data shows that every client experienced improvements in distress levels.
FWIW: Dean no longer uses CORE-OM (nor any form of statistics collection survey). You won’t be asked to fill out any forms, or to answer any series of psychological questions. We can – and will – have conversations about how things are going when we find that helpful. That’s all!
A male counsellor – your best decision?
Counsellor Dean Richardson MNCPS (Accred/Reg) has been a popular choice of male counsellors for men seeking a private counsellor. Whether based in Havant or UK-centred and seeking an online counsellor, he’s been available for blokes for a number of years now.
Men seeking a positive counselling experience frequently seek Dean out.
As men, when we have a tonne of crap on our shoulders, it can appear as if society expects us to just shut up and carry on. We even buy into that notion, too. But we want to find someone we can work well with, to undo our “I want to stop pretending I’m OK” pretence, and that’s especially effective when working in counselling with another bloke.
Where a bloke can be himself.
We need a break.
Counselling for Blokes can be a place where a man can be just himself, work through some important stuff, and then go home.
One wouldn’t break a leg and be expected to “walk it off.” So why do many of us men treat a mental break with any less seriousness?
In counselling, a man doesn’t have to be concerned about any other person’s needs other than his own. He doesn’t have to remember to bring home the shopping, get the baby’s nappies, bring home a gift for his partner (for an anniversary that he forgot again), be politically correct, or watch his language.
Sometimes, a man needs a place where he can give up the stereotypically macho appearance he thinks is expected of him.
Tools and Processes.
Let’s face it – we’re just simple men. In the far distant past, as men, our job was to go out and kill Woolly Mammoths in order to feed our families. We were not required to understand things from the mammoth’s point of view.
Although not seeing things from the other person’s point of view was a strength long ago, modern life can be perplexing for some of us men. Situations such as:-
- why our partner has become annoyed with us,
- why the kids are making us have a headache again,
- why, one morning, we suddenly forgot the direction to drive to work,
- why our boss has just unloaded a shit load of pain on us, why we can’t sleep at night,
- why we’re get addicted to stuff that’s not very healthy for our bodies,
- why sometimes we get irrational pains in our chests, can’t breath, and we think we’re dying (sometimes called a ‘panic attack’),
- why we just dumped a tonne of rage onto a customer.
Why Choose Dean’s Approach?
How does the following information strike you?
- 63% of Dean Richardson’s clients (2012-2013) were male. Summer 2015, 100% of clients were male. These measurements are regularly repeated with Dean’s counselling caseload being made up of a majority of adult men, of all ages (teenage to retired).
- Think of counselling as a professional providing you with a service you’re buying (doctor, dentist, solicitor, estate agent…). There’s nothing weak or feeling a failure in purchasing a service that benefits you.
- Counselling can be brief or longer term. Just a couple of sessions can be just enough to get back on your feet again.
- Knowledge: in counselling, we’ll shed some understanding on some of the odd behaviour that might be going on around you. New knowledge helps make newer decisions.
- Cognitive / Somatic / Behavioural / Feelings: we’ll look at matters going on for you from a 360° perspective (not just looking at “feelings”).
- We’ll aim to get you back on your feet soon… then we’ll prepare to say “bye!” (because ending counselling well can be as important as beginning it well).
It’s pretty much two men, seated in chairs, having a really good conversation… a conversation with a specific and helpful purpose.
Video Counselling from your Home…
Dean has over 24 years experience of working in counselling, incorporating 17 years working via secure video conferencing apps (Zoom, Skype, etc). This means you can meet with Dean without ever having to leave home.
You can work with Dean in counselling remotely from your home, your office, your car (yup - some clients like to drive somewhere secluded for their sessions), or even your hotel room if you're away on business. Some people even like to go on a walk, or sit on a park bench. Provided their privacy is being looked after, Dean has no problems working like this.
Counselling sessions work in the same way as face-to-face sessions, except that you won't have to travel to, nor from, Dean's location.
Like to know more?
About Havant Online CounsellOR
You could choose any counsellor in and around Havant, 'natch!
Yet, when you think that this may be the most personal, private and possibly vulnerable you're going to be with someone professional, you'd probably choose:
- someone you can grow to trust,
- someone who demonstrates highly competent skills, ethics and sensitivity.
- someone who speaks plain English (rather than psychobabble),
- someone who's as happy to use base/swearing language as much (or as little) as you do,
- someone who considers himself a frank, no bullshit counsellor, particularly you when you're in need of an authentic response (rather than an "hmm"),
- someone who would become an equal part of your therapeutic partnership (e.g. doesn't just sit mostly in silence for 50 minutes).
Counsellor Dean Richardson MNCPS (Accred/Reg) - a simply private choice.
Individual Counselling Fees.
Individual Counselling
Counselling for Personal Needs- Suitable for individuals
- Suitable for couples
- Suitable for groups
- Payable weekly
- Available in Havant
- Available on Skype/Zoom video
- 50 minute session
- 90 minute session (£95.00)
How Counselling Fees Work.
Unlike NHS services (where you have already paid through NI taxation), private counselling will cost you some money.
Individual Counselling sessions are weekly, and last for a standard 50 minutes (with the option to book 90 minute sessions if you prefer). Although sessions are once a week (except for holidays), you may also attend more than once a week if we both think that this would be helpful.
Our sessions will continue one or both of us thinks that we've done enough; then we'll have a conversation about bringing our counselling work to a close.
Fees are payable on the day of our session.
You may pay your counselling fees online (e.g. by a bank transfer, credit/debit card payment or PayPal) or pay in person (cash, cheque [made out to Dean Richardson], credit/debit card).
Restricted Income: If I have spaces available, a lower fee is negotiable should your income make private counselling a struggle to afford. This is not charity (you still must contribute a fee) and it will involve discussing your income and expenditure with the aim to discover a rate that you can afford responsibly. I do not always have any lower-fee spaces available, so please ask when you first get in contact.
Got a Question? Don't Hold Back…
Got a question about Dean Richardson's counselling services in Havant (Hampshire)? Want to make contact, maybe asking about a first appointment? Send Dean a message any time…
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The Local Shoulder Men Lean On.Dean Richardson - the reliable male counsellor you can talk with when it's all going a bit bollocks…Men seek support to lean on, particularly when they can't speak with friends or family. So a male counsellor near me (nationwide via video conferencing) - who's also just an ordinary bloke - can be a relief to find. Discuss Bloke-Stuff in private and confidence to discover ways you can move on.
STOP-PRESS: specialty with Zoom & Skype video. Tap for more info…
STOP-PRESS: counselling continues to be available via reliable & confidential Zoom & Skype Video Conferencing ~ ideal for counselling from home, office, abroad. Click here for details…
STOP-PRESS: Secure Zoom & Skype video counselling a specialty. Tap for info…
