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Unwanted Sexual Behaviour.Counselling for Pre-Offenders. Halt Abuse!
Sexual Behaviour Trap.
However, if you have distressing thoughts, or behaviour that you have not acted upon harming another (for example: collecting images) then Havant Counselling may be an effective place from which to seek support.
Counselling for Unwanted Sexual Behaviour is a therapeutic service to assist in stopping progression towards committing a sexual offence, resulting in prosecution and prison.
- Maybe it began by accident. Walking home you passed by a neighbour’s window and saw their child running around the living room in the nude. You smiled and the image… then recognised you felt arousal. You’ve begun searching for similar imagery and are now growing concerned about your potential towards child abuse.
- Maybe it began with curiosity. You were browsing through Tumblr and came across a sexualised image that aroused you. Maybe you weren’t aware that you could be aroused by such pornography. You became curious and searched for more… and are now concerned about addiction.
- Maybe it began innocently with a partner asking for you to do something for them. It seemed innocent enough to you at the time, but secretly you began to investigate more. You’re on a path that you’re worried will escalate into you behaving inappropriately towards someone. You’re not sure where your sexualised behaviour will lead.
- Maybe it began decades ago – when someone committed a sexual offence upon you. Maybe you didn’t know you were being abused. Maybe you couldn’t ask anyone for help. You’ve repressed the experience but are growing in concern that your experiences & behaviour may lead towards committing similar abuse.
Where does a man go when his (out of control? unwanted? thrilling?) sexualised behaviour begins to cause him serious concern? When he wants to curtail his behaviour before he gets anywhere near committing a sexual offence or being prosecuted/imprisoned…
… he considers meeting with Counsellor Dean Richardson MNCPS (Accred/Reg) in Havant Counselling.
Before Offending.
Dean Richardson is a qualified, highly experienced counsellor with over 25 years experience. He works with men who are desperately concerned with their sexualised behaviour/thinking. Men concerned they may be heading towards committing sexual offence. Or men who simply are struggling to reframe their sexual fantasies into a healthy lifestyle.
Important Considerations before Counselling:
If you have committed a crime, the matter of counselling confidentiality is not a black & white relationship with the law. It’s not quite as simple a matter as: “has the law been broken or not”.
Firstly, consider this: “I once stole a bike when I was twelve” versus “I raped someone when I was eighteen”. Both behaviours are not lawful, and both have different contexts (consider: who is being harmed?). Now consider: “I have raped someone” versus “I am thinking about raping and I want to stop”. The latter would be a matter you could discuss in Pre-Offending Counselling. The former may be discussable in counselling if the matter was presented, say, hypothetically.
- If you are currently harming somebody – or you have harmed someone in the past – (examples might include child abuse, child or adult rape, sexual assault, abuse of trust, grooming, and so on – see: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_offences_in_the_United_Kingdom), then Dean would not be able to work with you in complete privacy, and would be unlikely be able to support your confidentiality within a counselling framework. In such a situation working with the organisation: StopSO (https://stopso.org.uk/) might be preferable to you.
Pre-Offending Sexualised Behaviour Counselling Offers:
- Confidentiality and privacy – this will be a complex, but navigationable, issue. Dean will not take a judgemental position (counselling-wise) when discussing your distressing thoughts and concerning behaviour. However, in matters where the law is/has been broken there cannot be a black/white position in this paragraph (i.e. if you have physically harmed someone – or are currently harming someone – Dean is unlikely to be the counsellor to choose as the law takes precedence over what levels of knowledge of a crime may be kept private). It’s perfectly possible to engage in counselling whilst keeping material-to-be-discussed as hypothetical (in other words, how could a counsellor discuss a matter with authorities if he doesn’t have details of a law being broken) but this must be a decision you’re willing to consider.
- You do have choices – working in counselling for Unwanted Sexualised Behaviour can help you strengthen your choices.
- Gain understanding about your sexual behaviour. Understanding brings comprehension, and comprehension brings choice.
- Whilst some think of pornography addiction, Dean doesn’t in addiction-terms. Addiction can suggest that you have no choice and that you are helpless. Of course, you may feel very helpless, but there are ways to understand a need to regularly take (and to stop) sexualised imagery.
- Whilst some talk of “paedophilia” as an offence in of itself, Dean – as a counsellor – doesn’t think like that. The sexualised love of children is considered by some to be a sexual orientation. In the UK, however, one cannot express this orientation; children are under the legal age of consent. In counselling we focus on managing ones sexual desires in ways that bring peace and management.
How Pre-Offending Counselling Works.
Counselling for Unwanted Sexualised Behaviour (pre-offending) aims to empower a man with understanding and comprehension about his sexual desires and activities. Counselling helps a man begin to promote his own changes to avoid sex offending and being prosecuted or imprisoned.
Throughout the counselling relationship, Dean offers a partnership with men – sharing thoughts and knowledge on topics that may help help the pre-sexual offender find ways to manage sexualised thoughts and behaviour, moving into a more comfortable lifestyle.
Collaboration is significantly more effective than instruction (i.e. without your investment in this process nothing happens and you will see no change). Together, you and Dean will forge an alliance that assists with your individual sexuality and your individual behaviour.
- Privacy – you will not be reported to anyone for your sexualised thinking or sexualised behaviour that is not harming another person. Also, provided that your behaviour is not unlawful (eg you are not – or have not – abused someone) your privacy will be respected.
- Unjudged Conversation – there needs to be a safe environment for you to discuss what’s going on with a fellow human being.
- Comprehension – Dean provides knowledge and exercises that can help you to understand yourself better. With understanding comes choice (and often relief). Being empowered with knowledge helps you make better choices.
- Unlimited sessions – you may have asked a GP about counselling, only to be told they operate a waiting list and a limited number of sessions. Private counselling allows you to choose the number of sessions as you go along (there’s no maximum and no minimum number of sessions). Some men are done in fewer than 6 sessions; others enjoyed the flexibility of more sessions until they felt they had done enough.
Counselling is not a Magic Solution.
A solicitor may recommend to a pre-trial offender that he/she begins working with a counsellor. The motivation behind this is could be to highlight to a judge or jury the potential for leniency in their verdict (“Oh, he’s in counselling, so we won’t be so hard on him”). See: Pre-Trial Counselling for more information.
Whilst we might imagine a solicitor’s duty includes finding ways to mitigate a bad outcome for their client’s legal position (community service, imprisonment etc) counselling for sexual offending (both pre-offence or post-offence) is in no way a Get Out of Jail Free Card! There will be work for you to do in counselling… some of will not be easy for you… and non of it is designed to influence someones opinion over the outcome of any legal proceedings.
Counselling is primarily focused on helping you work through the therapy to help you position your sexualised behaviour and/or thoughts into a better place within your life.
It’s not magic… it’s hard work.
- Dean is a counsellor – he will not provide a Risk Assessment Report, will not be a sponsor nor a court defence (nor expert) witness. The therapy work done is private between you and he.
- You are unlikely to come out of counsellor “cured” (meaning all your problems have vanished). Therapy for Unwanted Sexualised Behaviour is more like finding out how to manage an ailment for the rest of your life. An ailment that can move more into the background… and managed by you, rather than you being managed by it.
- There’s no manual or reference book to take away! No “if you follow these ten steps you’ll be finished.” Instead, counselling aims to form an approach that works for you as a unique individual, and you’ll forge it together with Dean into a unique-for-you therapy.
- Simply turning up to a few sessions will be insufficient – whether wanting a judge to look upon you sympathetically, or wanting to change your sexualised habits.
- Dean will not write any letters of recommendations nor opinion on your behaviour. If requested, you can obtain a letter stating you have been meeting with a counsellor, for how many sessions, and a date period.
- Dean’s commitment to you cannot take precedence over the law. If you discuss a crime where (for example) another person is being – or has been – sexually abused, confidentiality cannot take precidence over the harm of another.
If you’re unsure of Dean’s Havant (Hampshire) based counselling service being suitable to you, you might like to consider researching StopSO UK – a national charitable service that focuses upon offering specialist treatment for perpetrators and survivors of sexual offending / sexual abuse.NB: Whilst Dean has taken training from StopSO on working with sexual offenders making him eligible to apply for becoming a member of StopSO’s therapist network, this training is not an endorsement by StopSO of Dean being a suitable therapist for you. Nor is Dean recommending StopSO as being suitable for your needs. Do sufficient research for your needs and make an informed decision.
Make Contact Today.
Make contact with Dean and you could have your first counselling session arranged within just a few hours.
ADVICE: Few feel comfortable filling in a contact form with explicit information (“I’ve been looking at sexualised images of children”, “I might have raped someone”, “Are my sexual feelings right?”). If you prefer discretion, simply complete the CONTACT FOR COUNSELLING FORM as discretely as you wish and be prepared to be frank when meeting Dean in person.
After Making Contact.
The first session of counselling is help both you and Dean decide if working together in therapy seems like a good idea.
Take note, though, that Dean must judge if his approach, knowledge, and counselling approach is going to be of help to you.
Usually, the first few sessions are productive and you will both find ways to work with each other. It’s not a judgement upon you, though, if Dean concludes he is not the best therapist for your needs; and he will explain to you why he is making such a decision, and he will be able to offer advice on finding a more suitable therapist for your needs.
Private counselling near me serving the UK Nationwide over Zoom & Skype, plus locations in and around central Havant, Petersfield to Waterlooville, Cosham to Portsmouth & Southsea, Southampton to Chichester, Fareham to Gosport, Hayling Island, Emsworth, Westbourne, Rowland's Castle, local residents anywhere in between and regularly further afield!
About Havant Online CounsellOR
You could choose any counsellor in and around Havant, 'natch!
Yet, when you think that this may be the most personal, private and possibly vulnerable you're going to be with someone professional, you'd probably choose:
- someone you can grow to trust,
- someone who demonstrates highly competent skills, ethics and sensitivity.
- someone who speaks plain English (rather than psychobabble),
- someone who's as happy to use base/swearing language as much (or as little) as you do,
- someone who considers himself a frank, no bullshit counsellor, particularly you when you're in need of an authentic response (rather than an "hmm"),
- someone who would become an equal part of your therapeutic partnership (e.g. doesn't just sit mostly in silence for 50 minutes).
Counsellor Dean Richardson MNCPS (Accred/Reg) - a simply private choice.
Got a Question? Don't Hold Back…
Got a question about Dean Richardson's counselling services in Havant (Hampshire)? Want to make contact, maybe asking about a first appointment? Send Dean a message any time…
