Why Counselling for Men?

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You might be asking yourself: “do men consider counselling useful?”

Let me tell you some good news.

We’re just blokes, and as a bloke sometimes we just want to talk stuff over with another bloke… in private.

It’s true that a majority of counsellors are women, but as a man we feel more comfortable discussing some of the more private and serious matters with our own gender.

This is when we find counselling useful.

And the good news about Counsellor Dean Richardson MNCS(Accredited Registrant)…

He’s also just a bloke!

Havant Counselling Dean Richardson

Something you can Use.

Here’s the low-down:

Counselling isn’t all about tears, emotions, grabbing another tissue nor confessing to the counsellor why we’re feeling like a failure.

Some of us counsellors know that people are made up of more than just emotions: we’re thoughts, behaviours, somatic responses and (sometimes) our bodies and minds doing shit-illy odd things that distress us but we can’t figure out what’s going on… in addition to that emotional stuff!

When thinking about meeting with a male counsellor, it can take a bloke a hell of a lot of courage to walk into the counsellor’s rooms, ready to talk through life’s tough crap.

But, as men, we find that courage… and find that counselling helps too.

A Partnership with You.

FORTUNATELY… men seeking counselling are happy to learn that Dean Richardson works in partnership with men (rather than sitting in silence, occasionally saying “Hmmm”).

Such partnerships help both blokes in the room to find comprehension and (re)solutions that actually address problems. As well as forging a bond that becomes enormously valuable.

Whilst there still may be truth in the phrase: “Men Think, Women Feel”, counselling for men is about finding stuff that works specifically you… particularly when it hasn’t been working all that well lately.

Aspects of Men in Counselling

Counselling Services Summary.

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Blokes

Suitable for a bloke who wants to talk in confidence about the shit he can’t go into with his mates down the pub. And who wants to meet with another bloke in an all-male setting.

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Brief or Longer

Some blokes work fast, and some want more time. Dean’s service is not limited by time nor a set number of sessions. We can be creative together and decide as we go along, or set a number of sessions up front.

Weekly

As a minimum, counselling will be 50 minutes each week. But you may come more often and there are 90 minute sessions. It’s about catering for a wide rage of blokes’ needs.

Begin Soon

When you contact your GP, or telephone your local charity counselling service, you will often find you have to wait for weeks… or months. Meeting with Dean can be as soon as next week.

Topics Men Talk About in Counselling.

How can you actually use counselling?

Let’s face it – you’re an intelligent bloke. You’re interested in learning what’s going on with you and why you might seek a counsellor. So what kinds of topics do men seek to work upon in counselling?

About Anger or Rage

With Counselling for Anger in Men we’ll look at your anger as being a form of a communication. When a man’s position on something is not being understood, men can find angry behaviour (e.g. threatening physical violence) can get them understood… very quickly. The problem, though, comes when the rage acts out all by itself, out of control, and the man is unable to clearly communicate what he needs (e.g. why he is angry, what about the situation he wants changing, what he need from others); he’s failing to get across clearly what he needs. This is not anger management. This is what comes before anger management. Together, we’ll try to learn what fuels your anger in order to loosen its grip on you and to give you some choices on how you respond.

About Depression in Men

We’re blokes. We get up, we work, we (sometimes) achieve goals, we go home. When something knocks us off our feet we might call it man flu! So when depression kicks in (and I don’t just mean “feeling sad”) many of us men don’t know what it is, nor how to deal with it.

Taking anti-depressants can mask the symptoms of depression, but they don’t address the cause. Counselling for Depression in Men can help work through the root-cause(s) and to relieve the depression.

About Life Events and Stages

Sometimes life events catch us off guard. We’re running along happily and then we have news: “I’m pregnant!”. We didn’t know that we’d panic, or that we’d think: “I won’t be able to handle this”. Life stages can take us unprepared: buying a house, getting married, having children, changing jobs, becoming redundant, a celebration going too far (drunkenness), children leaving home, retirement. A sudden jolt plus having no-one talk with can be awful… until you think about some short-term counselling.

About Using our Heads

As blokes, we can tend to ‘act’ and ‘think’ rather than “feel”. Differences between emotions and thoughts: if I ask you “how do you feel” and your answer is to describe your behaviour, perhaps feelings are a foreign language.

About Sex and Masturbation (Wanking)

Let’s face it: wanking is one of the best things us blokes have been given! Yet, when masturbation begins to interfere with our relationships, or other parts of our lives, losing the pleasure of having a wank once, twice or more times a day becomes to be problem. When a man’s life changes (he forms a significant relationship, he suffers ill health, he gets older) his own relationship with sex and masturbation may become a struggle to change too.

About Gender and Gender Identity

Sometimes, some of our thoughts, our feelings and our behaviour might make us believe we’re becoming something “men aren’t supposed to do”. Quite different from male-to-female (MTF) and female-to-male (FTM) gender reassignment, or being “gay”, as blokes we can learn the language our heads speak in.

About Work Stress

As men we were designed to kill boars to feed our family. Working on computer, in offices, in meetings can sometimes feel so wrong for us. We grow with work stress and can’t manage. In counselling we’ll look at the root causes of work stress (sometimes not so obvious) to help you manage more effectively.

About Sexual Abuse of Men

As boys, if we were sexually abused (whether mildly or severely) it’s possible that we had no-one to turn to; no-one who would believe us. So we kept our abuse to ourselves. We might even have thought it was our fault. Today our abusers are being outed and prosecuted. Counselling for Sexual Abuse in Men can help bring the closure we need.

About Physical Violence or Bullying

If you’re experiencing physical violence (whether harm done to you or you’re harming others) we’ll work out ways to help manage the abuse, and to have it stop. If this is due to your anger, for example, we’ll look at the causes behind the anger.

If violence is related to bullying (whether you or someone else is the bully), we can talk about what’s behind the behaviour to bring understanding. With understanding you can interrupt and bypass your violent behaviour.

About Relationship Difficulties

Assistance in helping you understand what might be going wrong in your marriage/partnership… and how to change things.

We can talk about why your mates always seem to end up telling you to ‘fuck off’, or why each of your new relationships keep ending suddenly, or why it’s harder for you to just get along with those other people who seem to have so much baggage nowadays.

About Business Behavioural Skills

Corporate workplaces can lead our stress levels to climb. It appears to us that only those working 24/7/365 get promoted and we can’t give that amount of effort. We can talk about how to manage your needs so that you might work in a way that fits much better with how you’re built.

About our Sexuality

The number of ‘modern’ men today seem to have no problem about their fluid-sexuality, It seems that every week someone famous tells us about their non-standard sexuality. Is it really non-standard? We can talk together about any sexuality confusion you may be having to help you understand, come to terms, and find peace with it.

About Growing Older and Death

Time passes, we grow, we get stronger, life is good. Then we notice changes, perhaps we’re balding, we’re less strong, less fast, we notice that more of our peers are dying. The phrase “over the hill” begins to mean something to us, and we grow frightened. This wasn’t supposed to happen to us. Talking through our concerns with a counsellor can help put things into perspective, and frees us to enjoy the fewer stages of life that we have left.

About Not Knowing what the Fuck is going on!

As men, we’re kinda supposed to be in charge (sorry, but we can feel that we are). So when our heads and bodies start to give off symptoms and we don’t know what the fuck is going on… we’ll bury it! Talking with Dean in counselling can help you get an idea of what your head and heart are saying, so that you can go supply what your body needs.

Does Counselling Work?

If a main aim of counselling is to reduce distress levels (by bringing understanding to counter fear and raise personal affect) in order to promote self-autonomy and to discover ones own solutions, then every client using counselling with Dean* experienced an improvement in their distress levels.

Before Counselling Begins… After Counselling Ends…
[Severe] [Low Level]
[Moderately Severe] [Mild]
[Moderate] [Healthy]
[Mild] [Healthy]

*The table uses anonymous data from individuals counselling with Dean Richardson MNCS(Accredited Registrant) during 2009-2010.

Data was taken and measured using CORE Outcome Measure (CORE-OM 34).

CORE-OM 34 covers four dimensions: subjective well-being, problems / symptoms, life functioning and risk/harm.

The data shows that every client experienced improvements in distress levels.

Men Choose this Counsellor.

Where a bloke can be himself in Therapy.

Dean Richardson has been a popular choice for men seeking a counsellor in the local Havant area for several years.

As men, when we have a tonne of crap on our shoulders it can appear to us as if society expects us just to shut up and carry on.

We need a break.

Counselling for Blokes can be a place where a man can be just himself, work through some important stuff, and then go home.

One wouldn’t break a leg and be expected to “walk it off”. So why do many of us men treat a mental break with any less seriousness?

In counselling, a man doesn’t have to be concerned about any other person’s needs other than his own. He doesn’t have to remember to bring home the shopping, get the baby’s nappies, bring home a gift for his partner (for an anniversary that he forgot again), doesn’t have to be politically correct and doesn’t have to watch his language.

Sometimes, a man needs a place where he can give up the stereotypical macho appearance he thinks is expected of him.

Counselling Tools and Processes for Men.

Let’s face it – we’re just plain old blokes.

In the way distant past, our jobs were to go out and kill Woolly Mammoths in order to feed our family. We were not required to understand things from the Mammoth’s point of view.

In the present day, though, modern life can leave some of us men a bit puzzled. Situations such as:-

  • why our partner has become annoyed with us,
  • why the kids are making us have a headache again,
  • why, one morning, we suddenly forgot the direction to drive to work,
  • why our boss has just unloaded a shit load of pain on us, why we can’t sleep at night,
  • why we’re get addicted to stuff that’s not very healthy for our bodies,
  • why sometimes we get irrational pains in our chests, can’t breath, and we think we’re dying (sometimes called a ‘panic attack’),
  • why we just dumped a tonne of rage onto a customer.

Dean’s “Bloke” Approach to Counselling.

How does the following information strike you?

  • 63% of Dean Richardson’s clients (2012-2013) were male (during summer 2015, 100% of clients were male).
  • Everyone who goes to counselling is in need of some assistance; a professional service (think: doctor, dentist, solicitor, estate agent…). Counselling is not about going because of being a failure 😉
  • Counselling can be brief – just a couple of sessions can be just enough to get back on your feet again.
  • Knowledge: in counselling, we’ll shed some understanding on some of the odd behaviour that might be going on around you. Helping us to make sense of things.
  • Cognitive / Somatic / Behavioural / Feelings: we’ll look at matters going on for you from a 360° perspective (not just “feelings”).
  • We’ll aim to get you back on your feet soon… then we’ll prepare to say “bye!” (ending counselling well can be as important as beginning it).

Dean rarely sits in total silence for the whole session (or just “hmm”‘s). He doesn’t ask you to fill in forms, give you tests, ask you to paint your feelings, to waft scarves in the air, look at ink blots or makes you talk about stuff that you really don’t want to.

It’s pretty much two men, sat in chairs, having a really good conversation… a conversation with a specific & helpful purpose.

A Guarantee in Counselling.

As a counsellor, Dean has worked with many different men, with many different subjects, in counselling.

You might not be surprised that several men were sceptical!

“my wife told me to go”,
“some really odd things have been happening to me”,
“I don’t understand why life is so shit”,
“how can you help if I don’t know what’s wrong?”.

Dean’s approach to counselling isn’t done to you. It’s a partnership (a sort of temporary kind of friendship or alliance) between him and you; a process that makes counselling effective.

Dean’s Counselling Guarantee Includes:-

  • He won’t sit for 50 minutes in silence (or just saying ‘hmmm’).
  • He will answer your questions (rather than avoid them with psychological tricks).
  • He won’t fuck around with your head, and whilst sometimes he might ask something, or say something, that leaves you thinking: ‘shit, that was a bit harsh, mate!’ he will always be up for feedback and to talk about what made it seem harsh to you.
  • He won’t make you talk about stuff you’re not ready to… at least nor ready yet.
  • He won’t make you feel as though you’re mental, insane, or anything less than the man you are.
Try Dean out for just one session, and then make your mind up.

About Havant Counsellor.

You could choose any counsellor in and around Havant .

Yet, when you think that this may be the most personal, private and vulnerable you're going to be with a professional, you'd choose:

  • someone you can trust,
  • someone who demonstrated highly competent skills and ethics,
  • who spoke plain English (not lots of psychobable),
  • who's as happy to swear as much as you do,
  • who makes you an equal part of the therapeutic partnership (e.g. doesn't just sit in silence, saying "Hmm" for 50 minutes)
…then you'd be interested in trying out Dean Richardson MNCS(Accredited Registrant).

A simply private choice, really.

Counselling Costs.

How my counselling fees work.

Unlike NHS services (where you have already paid through NI taxation), private counselling will cost you some money.

Counselling sessions last for a standard 50 minutes (optional 90 minute sessions are available) and recur weekly (sometimes multiple times a week if we both think this is appropriate).

We’ll work until either of us thinks that we’re done… then we’ll have a conversation about ending.

Counselling fees are payable on the day of our session.

You may pay your counselling fees online (eg by a bank transfer, credit/debit card payment or PayPal) or pay in person (cash, cheque [made out to Dean Richardson], credit/debit card).

In some circumstances, a lower fee may be negotiable if your income makes private counselling a struggle to afford, and if I have places available. I may not always have any low-fees spaces available, but please ask…

Counselling Appointments.

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I offer counselling sessions from 1pm until 9pm (Monday through Friday). After you've chosen an appointment day and time this will stay with you until the end of our work. Sessions are (at a minimum) weekly and of 50 minutes. If you're beginning counselling for the first time, you may choose your preferred session day(s) and time(s) from the following table:-

Couples & Individuals (Havant, Hampshire)
Monday Appointments:1pm2pm3pm4pm5pm6pm7pm8pm
Tuesday Appointments:Fully booked
Wednesday Appointments:1pm2pm3pm4pm5pm6pm7pm8pm
Thursday Appointments:Waiting list (contact me to discuss)
Friday Appointments:Not available
Groups (Waterlooville, Hampshire)
Click to go to WaterloovilleCounselling.co.uk
Tuesday Appointments:Waiting list (contact me to discuss)

Couples & Individuals (Havant, Hampshire)
Mon:5pm or 8pm
Tue:Fully booked
Wed:2pm
Thu:Waiting List (contact me)
Fri:Not Available
Groups (Waterlooville, Hampshire)
Visit WaterloovilleCounselling.co.uk
Tue:Waiting List (contact me)

Waiting lists may be available for unlisted times.

Times in red are the most popular, and usually the first to go.

Counselling sessions are (at a minimum) weekly and on the same day and time each week.

Optionally, you may wish to come more than once a week and you can even come for longer than 50 minutes (by prior arrangement).

Our counselling work together continues for as long (or as brief) as we both think it's helpful… and then we'll look at ending.

Fees are due on the day of the session (cash, cheque [made out to Dean Richardson], credit & debit cards).

Ending counselling: rather than one day saying "I'm ending counselling today" it is helpful to bring up the idea of ending counselling first. Sometimes the need to end may be a mask for something else (avoiding difficult feelings, can't say something, acting out loss etc) and it can be helpful to distinguish, together, what ending may mean in our work. We'll talk about endings with some thought and some planning.

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Got a Question? Don't Hold Back…

Got a question about Dean Richardson's counselling services in Havant (Hampshire)? Want to make contact, maybe asking about a first appointment? Send Dean a message any time…